Addiction, the struggle is real…

I sat there, in bed, while my son was crying next to me due to a fever. He didn’t want me to comfort him but he wanted me close, so I sat there and ate apple pie with vanilla custard and had some coffee. This, after a decadent indulgence in chocolate pralines that lasted two days. Perhaps it wasn’t “that many” pralines but they’re rich and I shouldn’t have had them anyway. Regardless I sat there and ate apple pie from a bowl, filled to the brim.

And when the tiny man fell asleep on my lap I was left alone in the peaceful tranquility of my overworked brain. A perfect time for some introspection and meditation, or something equally poetic.

My poor brain was jolted out of its slumber pretty quick when the sugar high hit me like a ton of bricks. It was only then that I realized that my old addiction was back, and this time it means business!

I’m a sugar addict. A real sugar junkie. I self medicate with sugar, which is my drug of choice. I love sugar and consume it by the sleeve-full, with no regards to what form it’s in. From complex carbs to simple sugars, I love it all, and breaking that habit was a nightmare beyond all nightmares. It took me three months of torture to get myself to a good place, and then it took about that long to get back into it.

I remember a specific day especially, when I was out with my best friend for an amazing dinner to celebrate that I had beaten the sugar monster. We split a dessert, a chocolate and licorice lava cake. Delicious. But my body had been detoxed from refined sugars for two years so what happened was I got massive heart palpitations and stomach cramps. I thought I was going to die, so we paced through Stockholm until I settled down a bit.

And instead of that propelling me to never touch sweets again, instead it became a challenge to find my way back to where I started. And sure enough, I am there. I can consume my body weight in sugar, every single day. And I do. Not really considering it to be that big of a deal.

Until today. In bed, next to my sick child, I realized that I was the really sick one. An addict. And it’s been said so many times before, once an addict – always an addict. But I was recovering, which I no longer am. Today I’m not even knee-deep I’m waist-deep in addiction and I need to stop.

I will not quit cold turkey again, instead I will try and phase out the refined sugars first. Then we’re going to attack the part of life that’s always the hardest for me – complex carbs. The breads and pastas, the white rices and all of the good stuff. The things that can be substituted but never replaced.

But I miss fitting into clothes. I miss sleeping without waking because I have a hankering (yes, my addiction is that bad). I miss not being dependent on having something sweet at the house at all times and mostly I miss not being ashamed of my choices.

No new era will start, no new chapter or new book. Instead I will just do better now, where I am and with the tools I have at my disposal. Addiction is awful and a battle to end all battles, but it can be kept in check and it will be once again.

Life isn’t static and this is just a bit of a rough patch. Nothing new or revolutionary, but something that most people encounter on their journey – in one form or another.

May the odds be ever in my flavor… I mean favor.

B. Campbell

Lost in translation…

There is a lot to be said about motherhood, but most things you’ve probably heard. Like the sleepless nights and the endless days. I was prepared for that. I was prepared for a lot of crying and and a lot of throw up. But I didn’t get what I had envisioned.

We got a boy who, still, starts screaming before he opens his eyes. Who doesn’t sleep unless he’s being rocked or carried. Who doesn’t spend any time in the stroller, who doesn’t like riding in the car and mostly who is more easily bored than his mother. He’s a bit of a monster in most aspects, added to that his weight (one of a toddler) and you have yourself a bit of an issue. But he is glorious. So incredibly cute and curious. He’s not the least bit shy and eats with such passion.

Watching him discover different things is by far the most entertaining thing ever. To see those beautiful blue eyes take in all the surroundings is my new passion, along with observing just how good he’s gotten at taking his socks off.

He has also learned to pull his foot out of his pajamas…

The biggest change for me has been, what feels like, the solitary confinement. We are home A LOT. I’m not used to that, and I didn’t think I’d be one of those people who had to stay at home – ever. But Erik hates being out for too long and his schedule rules our world, because if he isn’t happy nobody is. And there’s a lot of suggestions coming from everywhere. Try rocking the stroller, try moving it across cobblestones and all that jazz. Erik doesn’t like lying down in the stroller, he hates sitting up in it. He really hates being rocked while in there and cobblestones make him scream even louder than normal. So, we stay at home most of the time. We do short outings to places where we can park close by, and we no longer attempt to eat out.

This was at Espresso House in Stockholm a few days ago. This picture was followed by a half hour long scream fest while I ran to the car. That was fun.

But it was preceded by this amazing picture. A baby resting while mom enjoys an overpriced scone at a coffee shop where we are seated under a stairwell, on a bench made of the same flooring as pictured with some sat-in pillows.

The romance kind of disappears when you take it all in. It’s a perfect picture of a moment in time that was not nearly as nice as it’s made to look.

Instead my life is filled with this, hand washing bobos and cleaning. It’s filled with cooking and eating while standing up.

Today I made us oven fried potatoes (with Vegeta, rosemary, crushed garlic and tons of oil), minute steak, fried mushroom and onions with a side of a mixed salad with tomato and onion (salted, oiled and with a hint of red balsamic vinegar) along with a store bought parmesan sauce.

After we had been away to buy the little whale a sleeping bag for winter and Sean had been to an interview we headed home for more home adventures.

Erik had tummy time with dad.

They played on the floor while I took silly pictures of them.

Erik and I hung out in bed, to get some rest before bath time.

Bath time is a great time, most often.

We got a new outfit on and he was fed and is currently being rocked by Sean in the hopes of all of us getting some sleep tonight.

That’s what the days look like. The old life has lost its charm, but I haven’t quite settled into the new one yet. But for every day that passes it gets easier and easier.

Life sure is funny that way.

When did I age?

Mrs. Campbell

Water world 🐳

So, on May 23rd at 8.30 AM my water broke. I was in bed scrolling through Facebook when I coughed and it felt almost as if I had peed myself, but not really. So I ran to the bathroom while some liquid was seeping down my legs, only to realize that it was, in fact, my water. Pudgy’s little water world was getting smaller.

Something I didn’t know was that for some there’s a small amount of water coming out but for others (namely myself) it came out in bursts. Many, MANY bursts – all throughout the day. I soaked through 3 pairs of underpants and about 10-15 big pads. I’m just glad I wore a dress.

We had an appointment scheduled with the midwife from earlier on and after having spoken to the hospital in the morning I was instructed to go to the midwife and get myself checked and then call the hospital to make an appointment. But the lady we got to see was not our regular one, since she’s on vacation, this one was pleasant but not very good.

My water kept coming in bursts and I had to run off to the bathroom with it running down my legs. Which is a bit uncomfortable and somewhat stressful, and that is why one shouldn’t check the blood pressure right after something like that. But she did. Mine came back 160/100 on the first try and 140/95 on the second. Both very wrong, but that’s irrelevant.

After that visit I called the hospital and they told me to come in after about 3 hours. They suggested I eat something properly before coming in at 1 PM. So we went for burgers at a place called Vigårda in the Mall of Scandinavia. The burgers were great but my water broke twice in that restaurant and Sean and I decided it was best to go to the hospital and wait there.


I got in and the midwives put me on a gurney and strapped a ctg scan to my stomach. 


Under me was a puppy pad (the big ones you use when trying to get puppies housebroken). The scan was on for 20 minutes and in that time I had soaked through my own pads and the puppy pad, along with my dress and later also shoes. They easily concluded that the water had in fact broken and they put me in those sexy hospital panties and gave me a diaper. Yeah, you never feel as hot as you do wearing a diaper…

After the checks were done they concluded that my blood pressure was a bit high at 135/70 so they wanted to do some blood work to rule out Preeclampsia, and then followed a many hours long wait to see a doctor – while seated in the waiting room. Sean went out to get us drinks and later on some ice cream and me a sandwich. He really was a trooper but I was pissed off and swollen and just wanted to get out of there or have Pudgy so as to finally meet and greet him.


After a few hours the doctors came around to see me. They ruled out Preeclampsia and scheduled an appointment for inducing labor on Thursday at 7.30 (if Pudgy doesn’t start that work himself) and we were sent on our merry way home.

At home the water turned from a clear to a pink hue and I started panicking. Even though they told me it could do that. Sean and I made a nice pasta salad to get my mind off of all of that and started watching season 3 of Peaky Blinders, but I was too stressed to watch anything and too tired to be upright so I went for a nap.


When I woke up I had a minor panic attack and I was crying for no reason. Sure there were painful contractions but I was just terrified and didn’t know what to do with myself. But I came around to it and settled down after a while. Sean went down like a log and soon after so did I.

Waking up this morning I feel better, the diaper is still on because the water still comes on and off – but there’s less of it and the bursts are further apart and they are once again clear. Now we wait for the labor pains to start on their own and should they not get going today I will be induced tomorrow at 7.30 AM.


Don’t pretend like you’re not jealous of my sassy pants!
Mrs. Campbell