Fool

I will attempt to partake in a 30 day writing challange. Today’s word prompt is ‘FOOL’. Here goes.

I was a fool, I thought to myself as I signed the documents, to trust that someone so incompetent could write an official document. A statement. Something so simple, I thought, that even a fool could do it.

But I caught myself in that thought and laughed. An escort isn’t much more than meets the eye. So I chuckled for a moment then sealed the envelope to seal our future. And what a future it is to be.

Time passes so fast all the while moving so slow. Bureaucracy moves at a glacial pace but it is moving, however slow. That’s the important part, the momentum which I don’t want to lose. I have everything to gain from it staying in a constant movement with me steering it in any direction I see fit. I am the captain of this ship and have been since the very start.

I was given nothing to work with and I created someone out of the literal shit I was handed, but the many flaws I left in my creation are only ever visible to me. And everyone who’s ever constructed anything knows full well how to destroy it if it should come to that. I know the weak points and you can’t plug the holes I left, only I can do that.

But I enjoy having my creation somewhere near me, and I’d be devastated if it left the country. It stays close, doesn’t dare to leave, but masks it with a false sense of hope for a future that will never be. Your new home is my home. It is in my backyard you are staying, thinking you’re proving yourself. My methods maybe unorthodox but they work. Destiny.

I am no fool, I realize. It is all going according to plan, no deviations so far. No ventures outside the frame I set. My monster, the Adam of my labours, plays only in the designated area which I created for it. In my city, my home, never leaving. I created a toy for myself because I was bored, it in turn kept me occupied and therefore happy.

Oh baby, I’m a fool who thinks it’s cool to fall in love…

Campbell of Sweden

Insomniac

Man, this night just turned from bad to worse with Erik cascade vomiting all over the bed. At 2 AM I raced up to get him sorted. He’s been cleaned and changed, threw the covers and the bedding in the washer and put down spare ones. 

It’s been a harsh couple of weeks with the sleep issues getting exponentially worse over the last week. He’s a lovely baby and I love him more than life itself but I’m down on my knees right now. The last 4 days I’ve gitten a total of 6 hours of sleep, according to the tracking. He’s slept way more but he doesn’t sleep at all if I don’t continuously rock him on my legs. So I do.

Which has led me to get incriments of sleep that add up to 6 whole hours over the last 96 hour period. In this time we’ve struggled with his cold and played, read, taken baths, been mischeivous and up and running. Along that I’ve been hand washing his bottles, preparing his food and feeding him. Preparing my food, doing laundry and the dishes. Paying bills, planning and all those everyday things.

I’m running low on energy, and in these moments it’s easy to get bitter about my son’s father abandoning him. Or about the fact that in his 7 months of living the father hasn’t so much as bought him a single diaper for his own money. Or anyone else’s.

But truth be told, I’m happy he’s not so much as asked how his youngest child is doing. After he was released from jail, while awaiting trial, for battering me in October he has only gotten in touch with one of my friends asking her to try and get my Xbox to him.

What a man, huh? So am I bitter? No. But I am tired and wish for nothing more than two consecutive hours of sleep. But when Pudgy is older I will hopefully get some sleep. According to the doctor it will get a little bit better when he turns three. So only 2,5 years more. It’s doable. Exhausting but very doable.

What a night! You really know you’re alive on nights like these. And it dawns on you just how spectacular and exhausting motherhood can be, but nothing bad without some good in it. The paracetamol kicked in and that has eased some of the headache which I’m vastly grateful for. 

Life is really something grand, if you look at it with open eyes. Yes, there are hardships. Some have more, some less, but no one escapes them. Same goes for joy and love and adventure. The night sky might be dark but it is always followed by a dawn. And even when the days are exceptionally gray and rainy one should remember that blue skies are hiding behind the clouds and they will appear if you just give it some time.

But now I need to turn the dryer off and hope to god that Pudgy stays asleep when I put him down on the bed.

B. Campbell
How can you not just want to eat him like a tiny cupcake? 

Water world 🐳

So, on May 23rd at 8.30 AM my water broke. I was in bed scrolling through Facebook when I coughed and it felt almost as if I had peed myself, but not really. So I ran to the bathroom while some liquid was seeping down my legs, only to realize that it was, in fact, my water. Pudgy’s little water world was getting smaller.

Something I didn’t know was that for some there’s a small amount of water coming out but for others (namely myself) it came out in bursts. Many, MANY bursts – all throughout the day. I soaked through 3 pairs of underpants and about 10-15 big pads. I’m just glad I wore a dress.

We had an appointment scheduled with the midwife from earlier on and after having spoken to the hospital in the morning I was instructed to go to the midwife and get myself checked and then call the hospital to make an appointment. But the lady we got to see was not our regular one, since she’s on vacation, this one was pleasant but not very good.

My water kept coming in bursts and I had to run off to the bathroom with it running down my legs. Which is a bit uncomfortable and somewhat stressful, and that is why one shouldn’t check the blood pressure right after something like that. But she did. Mine came back 160/100 on the first try and 140/95 on the second. Both very wrong, but that’s irrelevant.

After that visit I called the hospital and they told me to come in after about 3 hours. They suggested I eat something properly before coming in at 1 PM. So we went for burgers at a place called Vigårda in the Mall of Scandinavia. The burgers were great but my water broke twice in that restaurant and Sean and I decided it was best to go to the hospital and wait there.


I got in and the midwives put me on a gurney and strapped a ctg scan to my stomach. 


Under me was a puppy pad (the big ones you use when trying to get puppies housebroken). The scan was on for 20 minutes and in that time I had soaked through my own pads and the puppy pad, along with my dress and later also shoes. They easily concluded that the water had in fact broken and they put me in those sexy hospital panties and gave me a diaper. Yeah, you never feel as hot as you do wearing a diaper…

After the checks were done they concluded that my blood pressure was a bit high at 135/70 so they wanted to do some blood work to rule out Preeclampsia, and then followed a many hours long wait to see a doctor – while seated in the waiting room. Sean went out to get us drinks and later on some ice cream and me a sandwich. He really was a trooper but I was pissed off and swollen and just wanted to get out of there or have Pudgy so as to finally meet and greet him.


After a few hours the doctors came around to see me. They ruled out Preeclampsia and scheduled an appointment for inducing labor on Thursday at 7.30 (if Pudgy doesn’t start that work himself) and we were sent on our merry way home.

At home the water turned from a clear to a pink hue and I started panicking. Even though they told me it could do that. Sean and I made a nice pasta salad to get my mind off of all of that and started watching season 3 of Peaky Blinders, but I was too stressed to watch anything and too tired to be upright so I went for a nap.


When I woke up I had a minor panic attack and I was crying for no reason. Sure there were painful contractions but I was just terrified and didn’t know what to do with myself. But I came around to it and settled down after a while. Sean went down like a log and soon after so did I.

Waking up this morning I feel better, the diaper is still on because the water still comes on and off – but there’s less of it and the bursts are further apart and they are once again clear. Now we wait for the labor pains to start on their own and should they not get going today I will be induced tomorrow at 7.30 AM.


Don’t pretend like you’re not jealous of my sassy pants!
Mrs. Campbell