Fool

I will attempt to partake in a 30 day writing challange. Today’s word prompt is ‘FOOL’. Here goes.

I was a fool, I thought to myself as I signed the documents, to trust that someone so incompetent could write an official document. A statement. Something so simple, I thought, that even a fool could do it.

But I caught myself in that thought and laughed. An escort isn’t much more than meets the eye. So I chuckled for a moment then sealed the envelope to seal our future. And what a future it is to be.

Time passes so fast all the while moving so slow. Bureaucracy moves at a glacial pace but it is moving, however slow. That’s the important part, the momentum which I don’t want to lose. I have everything to gain from it staying in a constant movement with me steering it in any direction I see fit. I am the captain of this ship and have been since the very start.

I was given nothing to work with and I created someone out of the literal shit I was handed, but the many flaws I left in my creation are only ever visible to me. And everyone who’s ever constructed anything knows full well how to destroy it if it should come to that. I know the weak points and you can’t plug the holes I left, only I can do that.

But I enjoy having my creation somewhere near me, and I’d be devastated if it left the country. It stays close, doesn’t dare to leave, but masks it with a false sense of hope for a future that will never be. Your new home is my home. It is in my backyard you are staying, thinking you’re proving yourself. My methods maybe unorthodox but they work. Destiny.

I am no fool, I realize. It is all going according to plan, no deviations so far. No ventures outside the frame I set. My monster, the Adam of my labours, plays only in the designated area which I created for it. In my city, my home, never leaving. I created a toy for myself because I was bored, it in turn kept me occupied and therefore happy.

Oh baby, I’m a fool who thinks it’s cool to fall in love…

Campbell of Sweden

Back to square one…

On Saturday I can start exercising again, or I could but I am going in for a minor surgery in the beginning of September and therefore have to stay away from the weight room still. But somewhere mod or perhaps even at the end of September I will start working out again. My weight is now no longer the issue, it’s the softness of my body aka “the jiggly bits”.

I’ll work from home to begin with. I wish I could say that I’ll be doing it when Erik’s asleep- but let’s face it that is just not how he rolls. So instead I will have Sean take him for a half hour here and there so that I can get myself in order. I’m pretty tired of looking like a jelly donut.

It’s not fair of me to have the little whale hang out in the baby gym and work on his neck strength when I am all weak and plain. So, after my recovery I will get back into a routine. However small and seemingly insignificant, it needs doing. I need to get myself back into shape, for my own sanity. I had a long and fantastic weight loss journey a few years ago, and I refuse to let all that hard work go to waste.

Plus, I need a hobby.

Because this is what I’ve succumbed to. And that’s just not acceptable for anyone, especially not myself.

And here’s a fun picture of Erik sitting up like a big boy in his crib, totally mesmerized by his new mobile.

Mrs. Campbell

Lost in translation…

There is a lot to be said about motherhood, but most things you’ve probably heard. Like the sleepless nights and the endless days. I was prepared for that. I was prepared for a lot of crying and and a lot of throw up. But I didn’t get what I had envisioned.

We got a boy who, still, starts screaming before he opens his eyes. Who doesn’t sleep unless he’s being rocked or carried. Who doesn’t spend any time in the stroller, who doesn’t like riding in the car and mostly who is more easily bored than his mother. He’s a bit of a monster in most aspects, added to that his weight (one of a toddler) and you have yourself a bit of an issue. But he is glorious. So incredibly cute and curious. He’s not the least bit shy and eats with such passion.

Watching him discover different things is by far the most entertaining thing ever. To see those beautiful blue eyes take in all the surroundings is my new passion, along with observing just how good he’s gotten at taking his socks off.

He has also learned to pull his foot out of his pajamas…

The biggest change for me has been, what feels like, the solitary confinement. We are home A LOT. I’m not used to that, and I didn’t think I’d be one of those people who had to stay at home – ever. But Erik hates being out for too long and his schedule rules our world, because if he isn’t happy nobody is. And there’s a lot of suggestions coming from everywhere. Try rocking the stroller, try moving it across cobblestones and all that jazz. Erik doesn’t like lying down in the stroller, he hates sitting up in it. He really hates being rocked while in there and cobblestones make him scream even louder than normal. So, we stay at home most of the time. We do short outings to places where we can park close by, and we no longer attempt to eat out.

This was at Espresso House in Stockholm a few days ago. This picture was followed by a half hour long scream fest while I ran to the car. That was fun.

But it was preceded by this amazing picture. A baby resting while mom enjoys an overpriced scone at a coffee shop where we are seated under a stairwell, on a bench made of the same flooring as pictured with some sat-in pillows.

The romance kind of disappears when you take it all in. It’s a perfect picture of a moment in time that was not nearly as nice as it’s made to look.

Instead my life is filled with this, hand washing bobos and cleaning. It’s filled with cooking and eating while standing up.

Today I made us oven fried potatoes (with Vegeta, rosemary, crushed garlic and tons of oil), minute steak, fried mushroom and onions with a side of a mixed salad with tomato and onion (salted, oiled and with a hint of red balsamic vinegar) along with a store bought parmesan sauce.

After we had been away to buy the little whale a sleeping bag for winter and Sean had been to an interview we headed home for more home adventures.

Erik had tummy time with dad.

They played on the floor while I took silly pictures of them.

Erik and I hung out in bed, to get some rest before bath time.

Bath time is a great time, most often.

We got a new outfit on and he was fed and is currently being rocked by Sean in the hopes of all of us getting some sleep tonight.

That’s what the days look like. The old life has lost its charm, but I haven’t quite settled into the new one yet. But for every day that passes it gets easier and easier.

Life sure is funny that way.

When did I age?

Mrs. Campbell

A quiet morning…

You forget what quiet feels like, peaceful and luxurious. It's a reality no one prepared me for, having a child with colic. It's a reality no one can prepare you for, because torture can't be explained – it can only be experienced.

You read about it and you think, well it passes with time, what's 3-4 months? It's horrible, not only because you're exhausted and in pain but mostly because your child is inconsolable and in pain. He screams even before he opens those beautiful blue eyes. It's absolute torture seeing him like that and trying every single thing you know should work only to see it fail.

But he's growing, he's slowly getting into somewhat of a routine and at the end of the day that is all that you can ask for. We're going to try some anti-colic medicine, as soon as it arrives to see if it helps. It would be amazing to have him wake up and not scream-cry every time and not be so tight and angry all the time. I understand that he's in pain and not being able to give him any relief because we live in Sweden is pure torture.


But to have a moment like this is worth all the screaming and crying and the sleepless nights and days that all just melt into one big mess.

Today he's been amazing, there's been a lot of crying but he's also slept and eaten like a big boy.


A bit of crying while hanging out with mom and dad.


Happy Buddha baby.


Going for a quality nap.

He's growing so fast, 7,5 kilograms he weighed today. May not be completely accurate since we weighed him at home but he is well over 7 kilos. We're trying to enjoy the quiet moments, they're few and far between but oh so wonderful!

Outside of that I've been helping Sean update his CV. Still no luck finding work and it's becoming strenuous for the both of us. It's been well over a year now and still nothing, meanwhile I'm getting offers while on maternity leave. We're hoping he'll find something soon. Really, really soon.

In the meantime we're playing house and trying to figure Pudgy out.

Mrs. Campbell

Shifts…

We’ve decided to deal with our Pudgy in shifts due to a lack of sleep. None of us is getting any sleep, because the little whale is a fussy baby. He sleeps for very short bursts of time and when he wakes he’s hungry and very, very angry. So we’re trying something new: 4-hour shifts, 3 each. Tonight I’m kicking it off by having the Pajama Batman sleeping soundly in his stroller while I make lunch for tomorrow. Sean takes the first sleeping shift.


Pajama Batman sleeping soundly in his stroller, socks and all.


Food in the making: Falukorv in the oven (about as Swedish as it gets).

As I was writing that, Pajama Batman woke up and sure enough he was screaming before ever opening his eyes. I changed him while he was still screaming with his eyes never open and now we’re enjoying feeding time – he with his bobo (bottle) and me with some falukorv.

Most people keep asking me if he’s breastfed and he was partially in the beginning but he was too lazy and way too angry to ever keep that up. So we gave him formula as a backup and he never wanted the boob again. 

That’s something that has kept me up at night, the guilt over not breastfeeding. As if it was ever my choice to stop. 

But we’ve all had that hammered in that ‘the breast is the best’. So we tried, and we cried but in the end Erik chose otherwise. There’s not much to do in that situation, so I talked it over with the husband and decided that we weren’t going to force Erik to something that he was just not wanting. 

But it was a hard decision to make and to this day I feel like I failed, both as a woman and as a mother.

But Pudgy is progressing well, regardless of food source. He’s gaining weight like a pro, adding a full kilo to his birth weight at the four week checkup. He was large at birth but at the hospital he lost 300 grams and then an additional 40 at home, due to the trials with breastfeeding. So we put him on more formula and soon after he started refusing the boob. As soon as he stopped taking it the milk just stopped being produced. I was pumping but there was less and less for each day and three days after he had stopped my boobs went dry. Which in a sense is good because I didn’t have to go through the pain of mastitis and all that horror.

He’s a healthy but angry baby. He’s not a happy baby but we’re suspecting he might have the colics due to the constant crying and screaming. He doesn’t sleep a lot and seems to have tummy aches more often than not. 

But he likes sleeping on us and he likes hanging out in his BabyBjörn carrier. So we went out today and got him an ErgoBaby one as well. He doesn’t like that one at all, but we think he’ll come around to it and that that one will be better for when he’s a bit bigger. 

He needs a lot of body contact but we’re trying our hardest to have him doing other stuff and sleeping off of us. Today he hung out in a bouncy chair/babysitter, and didn’t scream the whole time. 


Matter of fact he even fell asleep in it later on.

But yeah, life as a parent is different than I thought it would be. Way different. Especially considering that our baby is extremely fussy and strong, which makes it hard on the both of us since he wants to be carried at all times and throws himself about when he’s being carried. 

He loves kicking me on the scar when I’m trying to burp him and he loves slapping Sean when he’s asleep. But with all the trials and tribulations, with all the sleeplessness and the migraines – I can still honestly say that he is the best baby ever. I couldn’t love him more and I wouldn’t change a thing, not even the screaming. 

He’s a tough little man and he has his way, that’s going to be such a great thing to have in the future – a strong will and stamina. He will be one resilient person! 

As for myself I’m just glad to be on my feet. I was up and about right after the delivery, and two days after the c-section I drove. I was cooking and carrying the whale. Because I too am a resilient person, a stubborn woman with more strength than sense. But look at me – I am doing swimmingly and as soon as it’s all healed up properly I will be back to that same old, same old.

Mrs Campbell 

Shopping

Today I went on two separate shopping outings. First one was with the husband to pick up a Baby Björn baby carrier from a neighbor. She didn’t need theirs anymore and sold it to us for barely any money. Then we were off to a couple of baby stores, namely Lekmer and Barnens Land in Barkarby (a part in northern Stockholm). We like thise stores a lot and went through them to get some ideas and do some shopping.

There we picked up two blankets, a teether rattle and another rattle. I can’t help myself when I see something cute or funny, so the blanket that looks like a dog, when rolled up, was a given addition to the baby stuff. We also needed a soft gridded blanket and the rattle looks like an elephant – how do you say no to that!? The teether rattle is of Paddington Bear. We simply had to have it.


After a turn in those stores I met up with the best friend and we went looking (me mostly looking with my wallet) at baby clothes. I’ve noticed that baby socks are the funniest thing I’ve ever seen especially ones I got at Polarn O. Pyret the other day.


They seriously crack me up every time. They’re so small. Incredibly cute but so insanely small.

Anyway, today I found the sale section at Åhléns and I went a bit nuts. Controlled nuts, but a bit out of hand nevertheless. Mainly because we’ve decided to not buy too much now but rather wait until March and/or April. But my issues with self control in these situations is becoming evident.


Today’s haul. I think the jeans (size 56, 0-2 months) are my absolute favorite. Together with the doggie blanket. 

We have a chest of drawers dedicated to the little man, and now his clothes have a drawer of their own. The toys are a bigger issue, because they need more space than we have, so now we have to cool it with the purchases. Which is hard, because cute things.


That’s some more baby clothes, if you weren’t bored already.

I realize that these things are not very exciting for people who already have kids or those who don’t have any. It’s kind of only interesting for those who are currently expecting or those who, like myself, always found tiny things hilarious. 

We can’t wait to see the little guy, the one that’s currently enjoying his space so much so that he’s trying to knock down a few walls to make it bigger. It’ll be a lot of fun to get to see him in his little outfits and watching him grow up.

But in the meantime he’s kicking up a storm and I’m shopping away. We’re all doing well and are pleased with the current situation. Life is good, today. It is actually really good.
Mrs. Campbell