For the longest time I’ve had this dream of being carefree. Shutting the brain off and just enjoying life.
I’m nowhere near there. Matter of fact I’m in a different solar system than the carefree mind. I worry all the time. Stress myself out. It angers the blood.
And then I watch these seemingly completely carefree people and they make it look so easy. They just let things be. Don’t stress, don’t worry, don’t hate.
I hate. I hate and I judge and I feel bad and sad and angry. I feel exhausted because I feel something all the time.
And while I have never wanted to die I often identify myself in Sylvia Plath’s texts. And I’m often haunted by her quote “Is there no way out of the mind?”.
I have often wished that I could turn off the background noise and just enjoy a nice day with no anxiety and no worries. Just me and a clear mind that isn’t taking everything apart. Taking me apart, my existence and every choice I ever made.
I wish I knew how to be more carefree. Life seems so much nicer that way. Just enjoying what you have, living in the moment.
I must learn.