Insomniac

Man, this night just turned from bad to worse with Erik cascade vomiting all over the bed. At 2 AM I raced up to get him sorted. He’s been cleaned and changed, threw the covers and the bedding in the washer and put down spare ones. 

It’s been a harsh couple of weeks with the sleep issues getting exponentially worse over the last week. He’s a lovely baby and I love him more than life itself but I’m down on my knees right now. The last 4 days I’ve gitten a total of 6 hours of sleep, according to the tracking. He’s slept way more but he doesn’t sleep at all if I don’t continuously rock him on my legs. So I do.

Which has led me to get incriments of sleep that add up to 6 whole hours over the last 96 hour period. In this time we’ve struggled with his cold and played, read, taken baths, been mischeivous and up and running. Along that I’ve been hand washing his bottles, preparing his food and feeding him. Preparing my food, doing laundry and the dishes. Paying bills, planning and all those everyday things.

I’m running low on energy, and in these moments it’s easy to get bitter about my son’s father abandoning him. Or about the fact that in his 7 months of living the father hasn’t so much as bought him a single diaper for his own money. Or anyone else’s.

But truth be told, I’m happy he’s not so much as asked how his youngest child is doing. After he was released from jail, while awaiting trial, for battering me in October he has only gotten in touch with one of my friends asking her to try and get my Xbox to him.

What a man, huh? So am I bitter? No. But I am tired and wish for nothing more than two consecutive hours of sleep. But when Pudgy is older I will hopefully get some sleep. According to the doctor it will get a little bit better when he turns three. So only 2,5 years more. It’s doable. Exhausting but very doable.

What a night! You really know you’re alive on nights like these. And it dawns on you just how spectacular and exhausting motherhood can be, but nothing bad without some good in it. The paracetamol kicked in and that has eased some of the headache which I’m vastly grateful for. 

Life is really something grand, if you look at it with open eyes. Yes, there are hardships. Some have more, some less, but no one escapes them. Same goes for joy and love and adventure. The night sky might be dark but it is always followed by a dawn. And even when the days are exceptionally gray and rainy one should remember that blue skies are hiding behind the clouds and they will appear if you just give it some time.

But now I need to turn the dryer off and hope to god that Pudgy stays asleep when I put him down on the bed.

B. Campbell
How can you not just want to eat him like a tiny cupcake? 

Heaven

I don’t believe in life after death, that idea has never appealed to me. But I lie here in the dark listening to him breathe and watch him move his pudgy little legs and even pudgier tiny feetsies and I wonder how anyone can think that there is a place better than that.

If there was a heaven that’s what it would look like for me: a quiet Friday night before Christmas with my tiny boy sleeping safely and soundly. His little body sprawled out in my bed, that he’s made his.

How can anyone think that there is a better place anywhere else? God is in the details, I’ve heard. Well then God, you’ve outdone yourself with this boy.

And I rest my weary soul knowing that I have seen heaven, and it’s absolutely fantastic.

Ms. Campbell

Leaving the apple part of life…

I’ve been a massive fan of all things iPhone since they came about. But the time has come to abandon ship.

I’m tired of the constant lack of space (I have 128 GB and keep running out) and the absolutely atrocious battery life. Lately my phone has been running out of both space and battery very quickly. So I removed 22 000 pictures and film clips. Yes, you read that correctly – twenty two thousand pictures and film clips. Why did I have that many, you may wonder… well, because I could. But the phone was running really slow and I thought that if I upload all of it into the cloud I could have a phone that’s semi decent. I was wrong. It kept being slow and dull, but it also added the unloading of the battery.

A fully charged battery lasts me about 20-60 minutes. No joke! So unless I’m constantly attached to a power source my phone is pretty useless. God forbid I use it outdoors, then the battery runs out in less than 10 minutes.

So, I decided that I was indeed done with Apple and their shitty but very expensive products. And I went over to the dark side, three stars (Samsung means three stars in Korean). I’ll be getting my Galaxy S8 next week, right after Christmas and with it a new era begins. The end of the apple season and time for some new stars to shine bright.

Plus it’s waterproof!

Ms. Campbell

Mudmasky

First night of this shenanigans, a lightweight face mask to wear while sleeping.

Instructions are simple: wash and dry face, apply mask and let sit for a minimum of five hours (and a maximum of 10 hours). Easy enough.

It’s very gel like in its consistency and doesn’t smell like anything in particular. It has a mild and sort of fresh scent to it. When applied to the face it’s absorbed almost instantaneously which is good, because that means no traces of it on the pillow. The mild scent is also good because it won’t be overpowering, which can make it harder to sleep. Especially when you, like myself, share a bed with a baby.

It gave me a slight tingling sensation, around the nose, but nothing that causes discomfort. However it does make you aware of its existence. I am also aware of it due to the dryness of my, usually very moisturized, skin. But I have that same sensation whenever I wear a face mask, so there’s nothing new under the sun.

I’m looking forward to really giving this product a go, I’ll be trying it out for about two weeks so we’ll see if there’s any improvement to my skin.

But now the bed is calling to me, and a certain tiny gentleman needs to be slightly moved so that the mother unit also fits into that bed.

So smol.

Ms. Campbell

Ole Henriksen

So for about a month now I’ve been trying out some new skin products by Ole Henriksen. It’s from two different lines, the serum (called “Truth Serum”) is from the Truth Collection and the moisturizer (called “Sheer Transformation”) is from the Transform Collection.

Ole Henriksen, as some know, runs a celebrity favored spa in LA. And just like most spa’s they got requests in from clients for the products they were using for the treatments. And the rest is history.

Now fast forward 34 years (the products were launched in 1983) to Bålsta, Sweden. In this climate, with a skin type that’s mixed, these products are just not cutting it. Both the serum and the moisturizer are extremely quickly absorbed into the skin – which is a bonus, but they don’t leave the skin feeling moisturized. Instead what they do is make my face feel like it will tear if I sneeze.

Since the pregnancy I have noticed my skin drying out much faster than before. But time also does its part, I am after all 31 years of age. But my other products do the trick even with the cold weather and the age issue.

The orange pump is the serum and the blue tub is the moisturizer.

These are the testers. The serum is more of a gel than an oil and the smell reminds me of sea buckthorn. I personally really like the smell of it, however it really dries out my skin and makes it feel sort of strung or tense, if that makes sense.

The moisturizer is not as bad in the drying out arena but the smell reminds me of Elmer’s School Paste (trälim). In the parentheses is the Swedish equivalent.

I’m sure a lot of people enjoy these products but I myself am not at all a fan. With the exception for the scent of the serum these products score a whopping zero on my list. Nothing I would ever run out to buy.

Rating (1 out of 5 hatched chickens):

Ms. Campbell

2017 – a chronicle

What a year it’s been! So many lessons learned and so many experiences to take with me into the new year.

2017 was the year to end all years, with so much good and so much to learn from. Having a baby, losing and gaining both work and weight.

I was released from a nice job I enjoyed very much upon finding out about my pregnancy, it was a project and I understood that they needed someone who could commit to it until the end – which I couldn’t. But where there is a will there is a way, and I found another fantastic job that opened my eyes to where I want to be.

I had my baby boy and learned the true nature of love. I lost my husband in the process, and that too taught me a valuable lesson about love and family. About values and the importance of finding a good match.

I moved from a place I loved to a place I hated and realized that things are not what they seem at first sight.

What a tumultuous year it’s been. I lost some friends only to find them again, exactly as before.

It’s been a year of losses and gains but at the end of it all the gains outweigh the losses and I’m left here, sipping on my morning coffee with my son in this amazing apartment, that is our home, feeling better than I have in years. Who would have thought that all these seemingly terrible decisions would lead up to something so good? Not I.

So when I close the books on 2017, I will do it with an immense sense of pride and accomplishment. I have risen from the dead, it feels like, and the future seems brighter than ever. And for that I am very grateful.

What a year! And what an amazing time to be alive!

Ms. Campbell

Naturally, he sleeps today

In half an hour, three specialists and his nurse will arrive at our place. They’re doing a house call because Erik’s sleep is not getting any better. Naturally, however thankfully, he’s asleep right now. Sound asleep, actually. I’m currently sitting by the kitchen table, enjoying a homemade lunch while the tiny Sir sleeps (!) in the bedroom.

But isn’t that always the case? You are sick as a dog and as soon as you get into the doctor’s office it’s like you’ve never even heard of people who are sick – let alone been sick yourself.

I’m excited to see the experts, to have them maybe give me some new ideas. Maybe try some new (to me) tricks. I’m desperate at this point, and willing to try just about anything. Anything that doesn’t involve any medication or letting my child cry himself to sleep. I don’t care about how well it’s worked for you, I’m not going to leave my baby alone in a room while he cries. If you can and want to, that’s fine – but I don’t advocate anything that will potentially make him anxious or sad. Even if it means another six months of no sleep for me.

It is hard, don’t get me wrong. Raising a child on your own is a hassle in the best of times. But I’ve had a lot of horrible things happening making it extra difficult at times and Pudgy being as hyperactive and heavy as he is doesn’t help at all. But maybe there’s a solution, and maybe there isn’t. But if you don’t try you will never know. So here goes, the old college try.

Ms. Campbell